Confessions of a Gamer

Bless Me Torgo, for I have sinned.

OK. Sin shmin. I just wanted to type that. But I do have some stuff to say about games I don’t like and a bit of my backlog logic and where I see gaming in the context of my life. That last one seems THRILLING, no? Let’s start there then.

First, my definition: Gamer, one who plays a host of different video games from various genres.

Just because one owns a gaming system, particularly any new Nintendo system, doesn’t make one a gamer. There are game fetishists out there who own a system for playing only one game. FIFA is a good example of this. The world is full of FIFA fetishists who wouldn’t know an FPS from an RPG if they were looking over Storm’s shoulder, walking down a predetermined path, and complaining endlessly on forums about it.

I do not understand these people although they exist in my personal life. I was very disappointed when a friend told me he wasn’t interested in anything other than Warhawk. ON PURPOSE he ignores all other gaming experiences available to him playing only Warhawk. Warhawk is an awesome game but it’s FIVE YEARS OLD. Of course this will likely get him invited to the closed beta of the follow-up game, Starhawk. Which he will eschew for not being Warhawk. He is not a gamer.

I am a gamer.
I played Final Fantasy XII for 105 hours before moving on from it. I have played Warhawk for over 300 hours. I currently have over 50 million points in Beat Hazard Ultra. I loved Wario World and Luigi’s Mansion. That’s an RPG, a shmup (SHoot’eM UP), an on-line multiplayer, a platformer and a puzzle game.
I recently upgraded the hard drive in my primary PS3 to 500G because I filled-up the 120G with which my slim model came.
Zelda: Ocarina of Time on the N64 in 1998 is what started my love of console gaming at home as opposed to endless token dropping in arcades. (You can read about the beginning of me-as-Gamer in my post “Jason Specland Birthed a Monster”.)
Currently I am hunting down odds and ends in Batman: Arkham City and also tinkering with InFamous: Festival of Blood, Ugly Americans, Beat Hazard Ultra and with tempered expectations DC Universe Online gone FREE-TO-PLAY.
I own several gaming consoles. An original NES, the aforementioned Nintendo 64 console, Nintendo Game Cube, Play Station 2 and 2 PS3s. For the PS3 I own the Move controller and accompanying navigation controller and PS Eye camera, several dual-shock 3 controllers- one is red!, a Sony blue tooth headset and the Sony wireless 7.1 surround sound PS3 head phones.
I may seem like a braggart from listing all the above. What may not be known about me is that I am 48 years old. I am ancient in the world of console gaming. I should be happy with a nice game of Euchre or pinocle, right? I shouldn’t be as excited as I am to be getting Saints Row the Third tomorrow so I can beat people to death with a giant purple dildo as a crazed, scarred bodybuilder in a skort.
Age is a funny thing. People who act elderly choose to do so. People who act like they have arthritis HAVE arthritis. I have carpal tunnel so maybe I stretch my arms during play but I can still kick ass.
And FYI, the picture of me associated with this blog IS recent. I still look good, bitches.

Clearly not created by any god!

Having said all that I am ready to divulge my secret gaming peccadilloes.

I did not enjoy Assassin’s Creed because even riding a horse slowly past enemies who were not supposed to suspect me made them attack en masse and murder me. I wanted less time HIDING IN HAY-WAGONS than that. Also I HATE to die cheaply.
I HATED Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. Talking heads voiced by Patrick Stewart: not as fun as you’d think. Finally get out of the dungeon and get killed by a random cat-headed guy because I got NO idea of the next objective. For Fallout 3, same thing with inconsequential variances. Both games by Bethesda.
Borderlands. Gorgeous game. Great AI characters and sound design. Fun multiplayer interface. BUT. Repetitive implementation of  levels making grinding the main event. Starting at the same camp every time no matter where one saves. No thanks. I’ve killed those fracking dawgs 15 times already. Bored now.
And Red Dead Redemption. Another meandering open-world game that was really promising. Not long after beginning I couldn’t find my objective OR a list of objectives I needed to accomplish to continue. And I looked through every menu page. Eventually one tires of skinning animals.

Someone might think that I am just clueless in open-world games. I really loved InFamous both Hero and Infamous play-throughs and I’d have a platinum if I could just find the LAST TWO SHARDS! I finished Batman: Arkham City story and am working out the last of the side missions and such after which I will spend my time in challenge mode.
I do not enjoy backtracking or other redundancies. I don’t mind dying as long as I can see the way to victory. I don’t mind stealth as long as the mechanics aren’t broken. I don’t have fun wandering aimlessly, repeating the same actions for the same results. Yet I don’t mind grinding because I can see the goal.

I’m not all complaints however. I have some backlog games I both hope to finish and like to have at arms length. I think of these as my “collector” games.
Killer 7. That insane, impossible-to-understand Japanese shooter. Light the candles?! Uhh…but the wind… Huh. And the sound design! Wow. I might have to be buried with this one.
Dead Rising 2. Banana hammock beat-the-clock. So much crazy content.
Dead Space. Scared Shitless. The premise is undeniably dumb…go here, go there, go to Bioshock? If it wasn’t so totally pee-your-pants-worthy I’d have finished it long ago.

This 1000+ word essay is just the tip of my gaming iceberg. It’s a taste of me-as-gamer. I hope someone finds it interesting. But I have to go now so I can work on my score in Beat Hazard Ultra. I’m skipping around my music collection a lot for levels but ultimately as a huge challenge I’d love to be able to play through both discs of The Wall LIVE in Berlin which is 2 60 minute tracks. Now THAT would be epic.

PSN ID: son_of_ottie

Sing It, Shirley Bassey!


About keithpatrickdunn

Keith grew-up in a one parent home as an only child. Funny thing is he has two brothers and three step-brothers. View all posts by keithpatrickdunn

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